THIS IS WHY YOUR “CHEATER” CHOSE YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!

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*CHAPTER* *TITLE:*

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“WHY IS IT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF OTHER WOMEN TO TELL A MARRIED MAN TO GO HOME TO HIS WIFE?!“

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(“THIS IS WHY YOUR “CHEATER” CHOSE YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!”)

I used to wonder why some guys said they wanted a nice, sweet, good woman … a woman that’s going to be in the house, at church or hanging out with her “good girl” friends … a woman who doesn’t have “first date” sex or “too soon” sex … a woman who is not gonna cheat on him … a woman that’s not going to be “at the clubs” or “in the streets” … a woman that will make HIM her world … a woman whose #1 goal in life is to please him and make sure he’s happy … a woman who is attentive and supportive … a woman who will shut-up and not challenge him … a woman who will follow him “wherever he goes” …  AND THEN WHEN HE MARRIES THIS WOMAN … he complains about her to other women … and says his wife is too predictable, too boring, she lacks mystery, she’s not sexually explorative, she has nothing going on in her world other than what HE’S doing, she is a “yes-woman” who has no backbone … AND THEN HE USES THESE REASONS TO JUSTIFY CHEATING ON THAT “GOOD” WOMAN HE WANTED TO MARRY!

As I said, I used to wonder “why?” but I don’t anymore.  A cheater INTENTIONALLY chooses a woman that’s going to be at home wondering what HE’S doing, blaming other women and then blaming herself  … while HE’S OUT doing his cheating DIRT!

This is why he chose YOU:  When you catch him cheating, he watches you nag, threaten and FINALLY pack your bags and leave.  He says to himself, “Let me drag myself over to her mama’s house and say all the right things so she will come home.”  He lays the, we been together for a long time, we don’t want to break up the family, think about the kids coming from a “broken” home, I promise to change, it was only “sex,” let’s get counseling, “can we at least start dating each other, nothing big, just a little date, just so you can see that I’ve changed,” here’s your favorite flowers, here’s a big diamond, you SAID you would be with me for better or for worse, GUILT TRIP on you and, as he expects, you finally come home.

Your cheating husband lets some time pass.  He lets you throw up in his face: “I’ve forgiven you for cheating but I have NOT forgotten.”  With a yawn and a bored, disinterested “poker face,” he listens to you make your snide, nagging, suspicious remarks about his cheating.  He methodically says, “Sorry, Babe,” as you go on and on and on and on about how you don’t think you can EVER trust him again.  He giggles as you superiorly hold out your cooch, as if you’re PUNISHING him.  He smirks as he holds himself back from telling you (with relish): “Bitch, all I have to do is make a phone call or send a text and I’m up in ANOTHER woman’s ass just like that!  But, I will continue to play this little game for a while so you can think that you’re in control and have the upper hand.”

Once he feels the “heat” is off and you’re not breathing down his neck so much, he returns to his cheating.  He knows he’s “GOT YOU,” and y’all are BACK on that roller coaster again.  This is your cheating husband’s “silent but speaks VOLUMES” way of telling you:  “YOU DON’T CONTROL MY CHEATING!  I DO! I’ll stop if and when I get ready!  Be a good wife, go to church and LEARN HOW to deal with it!”

Then you catch him AGAIN.  Or you get that “something is up” feeling AGAIN. Your accusatory, “mile-a-minute” questions begin AGAIN.  Amused, he watches you search for some type of proof that he knows you’re not going to do “uh, crap” with when you find it … except start the insecure nagging again.  He knows that if you GO anywhere, you’re not going to STAY gone.  He knows you feel frustrated, helpless and powerless.

And he knows that you will eventually get to the point where you quietly ignore his cheating because all he has to do when you try to “get up in HIS face” is tell you he doesn’t want YOU anymore and LEAVE you.  He knows this will reduce you to a crying, begging him on-your-knees, groveling, dishrag. He knows you have NO backbone or strength or boundaries where HE is concerned.  He knows you are so in love with him and what he provides that you will do anything to keep him with you. I told you: He Knows You.  That’s why he CHOSE you!

But … helplessness GNAWS at you. You hate ignoring his cheating, you HATE feeling rejected, frustrated, “less than a desired woman,” helpless, powerless and knowing that you’re being talked about. To make yourself feel like you’re DOING somethingand not just standing by chillin’ while your man cheats on you, you tell yourself, “I might not be able to control HIM but I CAN do something.  I can confront the homewrecker he’s cheating with.  Since I can’t control my husband … maybe … if I confront that bitch and make her feel guilty enough, she’ll control herself and tell him to go home.  If she’s any kind of woman or have any kind of respect for herself or “his WIFE,” she’ll leave a married man alone.”

You obviously don’t realize that if you had any respect for YOURSELF, you wouldn’t be asking, begging or threatening another woman to “give you back your man.”  So, since you don’t have the strength to leave the cheater and you don’t have the strength to stay with the cheater and just suck it up and deal with it … you summon up some kind of “false strength,” “false bravado,” “false BALLS” and go ASK or WARN another woman to leave your man alone and send him home where he should be.

Don’t do that. If it means you going and confronting and physically fighting another woman to “scare” her away … NEVER, EVER SAY, “I’M GOING TO FIGHT FOR MY MAN!  I’M GOING TO FIGHT FOR MY RELATIONSHIP!”  (That only shows that you’re scared and fearful of living in this world without him.  It shows that you’re “nothing” without him.  There’s nothing wrong with ADMITTING that you have those feelings; just don’t get up in other folks’ faces.)

YOU will be the only one fighting. A Hustler/Cheater/Abuser (your man) won’t fight (as in, STOP cheating) to keep his relationship with YOU because he knows that whether he cheats or not … you’re there. So, he keeps cheating.  Again, that’s why you were chosen!

AGAIN, NEVER CONFRONT ANOTHER WOMAN.

Instead of blaming someone else, try this game plan:

(1) ACCEPT the fact that YOU CHOSE A CHEATER.  Once you accept that and QUIT IT with the “these skanky, “no morals” women out here are tempting my man cos they ain’t got a man and they want MY good man!” remarks/routine …

(2) Your insecurities will then HEAVILY kick in and you will go through a period of BLAMING YOURSELF: “What’s wrong with ME that he cheats on me?  Why am I not enough for him?  I must not be doing something right!”  (That’s how we women were trained and WIRED, to blame OURSELVES and EACH OTHER.)

(3) You will then go through a ridiculous period of wearing sexy lingerie, doing freaky stuff, trying to be “gooder” and “better,”and doing ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to keep your man at home with you.

(4) Then, after one of y’all’s fights where you’re screaming, “where were you and who the HELL were you with until 5 in the morning?” you will quietly look at your man and say, “I’m trying to be a perfect woman for you but it seems that nothing I do is ENOUGH for you.  Why are you still cheating on me?  Is THIS how life is going to be with you?”

Whatever comes out of his mouth … DON’T LISTEN. Don’t listen to anything he SAYS. Listen to his ACTIONS.  Because if he continues cheating, no matter what he said to you out of his mouth, his REAL answer is:

“I AM CHEATING ON YOU UNTIL I FREAKIN’ FEEL LIKE STOPPING! NOW WHAT?????”

Then (5) the ball is BACK in YOUR court.  What are YOU prepared to LIVE WITH?

Since YOU can’t change or control your man’s behavior, it really is on YOU.  If you forgive him and he does it again (and again), can YOU live with that?  How much forgiving are you prepared to do … and is there a LIMIT to your forgiveness?  Your staying with him … what type of woman is that turning YOU into?  How do YOU feel about yourself if YOU (again) start following your man, trying to see if he’s still cheating and rummaging through his stuff trying to “catch him?”  (Again.)  Do you feel like you love HIM more than you love your self-respect?  How do you feel now when you have sex with your man?  Are you tortured with thoughts of him having sex with other women?   You saying, “At least he comes home to ME” … is that still enough for you?  (Don’t try to put on a “front” and brag to your friends that “at least I’m the one he comes home to” when they can all look at you with contempt and whisper to each other, “He goes home to her after he’s left all of his side chicks’ homes!”  So, don’t act high-falutin’.)   Do you feel ashamed of yourself that you’re the type of woman that would stay with a cheater?  Can you put his cheating out of your mind or behind you and say to yourself:  “For MY reasons, I have forgiven him for cheating.  I’m not going to keep making sarcastic remarks and bringing up his cheating at every opportunity and I’m going to KEEP ON TRYING to make this work” … AND FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THAT STATEMENT … and feel good about yourself and NOT LET IT EAT YOU ALIVE??  IT’S ALL UP TO YOU. 

As I said, it’s all in what **YOU** are prepared to deal with and LIVE THROUGH.  It doesn’t matter what anyone else says because THEY are NOT the ones who have to live YOUR life AND WALK IN YOUR SHOES.

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